Not a Victim

Friday, June 1, 2007
Not a Victim.

I have been meaning to post this for a while, but was waiting for the right words. So here it goes...(if it's a little jumbled---forgive me...it's late for me and my brain is getting foggy!)

As a child and young adult, I experienced a LOT of pain. I have every right to call myself a victim-but I'm not. No, I didn't choose to be molested, emotionally and verbally abused and suffer the repercussions of it all. But, I didn't fold. I am here and am a living testimony that God can heal all things.

I could have been molested more violently, but I wasn't. I could have not had the sense to understand that the verbal and emotional abuse in my home wasn't normal, but I did. I could have gone down a much worse road with pornography, but I didn't. I could have been sexually promiscuous, but I wasn't. I could be full of bitterness and hatred, but I'm not. I could have chose to repeat the cycles, but I didn't. Can you see the pattern? It doesn't make sense on the surface...but the truth is...it makes sense because God was with me through it all.
It's really not about me, it's about God. His power, His strength and His might.

There really isn't any other explanation as to why I didn't, except to say that God's hand was and is still very much in my life. And, even if something more horrific had happened, I would have still been victorious because Christ paved the way for me-all the way to heaven. We were never promised that this life would be perfect, quite the opposite actually, but for whatever reason we think we tend to think that we deserve to live a pain free life. I have chosen to use my pain for the sake of the Kingdom.

If my life and story can ever be an encouragement to even one person, then it has all been worth it. I'm not going to pretend and say that I understand it all because I certainly don't-but I don't have to. I can rest in His arms knowing that He knows! Yeah, sometimes I wish God would just write out His entire for me because I tend to be a little impatient, but you know what? I am really starting to enjoy this ride! I can honestly say that I'm having the time of my life.

Thank you God!