Some asked me today...

Sunday June 3, 2007

Someone asked me today....

"How do you forgive and forget?" Good question! I hope my answer to her didn't sound flip. In thinking about this a little more today I still believe the same thing- I can't forget, but I can forgive. How did I forgive? Long story short....

With my parents, I believe it was in me being an adult and seeing them vulnerable. What I mean is that when I saw my Mom struggling with her memory and trying to piece her life together while she was living in a nursing home, I feel like I actually saw my mom. She honestly didn't remember ANYTHING about my childhood. It was a sort of clean slate as I knew she was being honest. Truthfully, it's the same with my Dad. When I take him to his doctor appointments he has to rely on me for absolutely everything. I know that he loves me and he trusts me. I guess that's why. I just push the past in the past. Doesn't really make sense, does it?

Sometimes I wonder if it's because I feel vindicated...something bad to me...something bad to them-but I don't think that's it. I think I just honestly reached a place where I decided that I was going to forgive. Easy? No WAY! But easier than having a bitter heart. Maybe it's because I've just grown that much in my faith to know that I was blessed regardless of my circumstances? Maybe it's because I just need to move on. Maybe it's because it's the right thing to do. It's probably everything.

Forgetting is a little different.

I can't forget, but I don't replay my memories as a victim any more. I replay them and can truthfully see God's hand in my life. Probably sounds scripted...but it's true. I also just don't dwell on things. I have too much to be thankful for in the here and now that I just don't want to waste my time with things that I cannot change anyway. Yes...again...I had a crappy childhood and as a result struggled with a lot of horrid things...but dangit...I am a different person...and you know what? I REALLY like me. Seriously. I really do.

Yep---I'm pretty quirky, and yep, I probably have some scars....but being scarred and quirky means I'm alive and I have survived some nasty battles. I am thankful. Period.